Sep 21, 2011
Toilet Paper Faceoff
Round One: No. 1 seeded Toilet paper easily knocked eighth-seed Staples out of the contention, because no one goes out in a snowstorm for staples. In the round’s only upset, Dish Soap (7) edged out Lightbulbs (2), because it’s better to be in the dark than have food poisoning from improperly cleaned dishes.
Canned goods (full team title: Pinto Beans and Other Canned Goods That Can Be Eaten After The Apocalypse) beat Chapstick (6). Even though having dry lips is really and truly awful, it does not compare to having no food, even if it’s just humble Pinto Beans. Fourth-seed Underwear ultimately prevailed over Q-Tips (5), mainly because I know it’s laundry time when I run out of underwear, whereas Q-Tips have no such pull on my actions.
SEMI-FINALS: Toilet Paper knocked out Dish Soap based on the fact that I’ve never bought more than one thing of dish soap at a time, and that just seems weird, while Canned Goods earned a very slight victory over Underwear, on account of that whole eating-is-necessary thing.
CHAMPIONSHIP: Toilet paper and canned goods clashed mightily, and each held the lead (in my mind, where this tournament is happening) for good stretches. On an emotional level, I prefer toilet paper. But ultimately, the Red Cross doesn’t recommend you have toilet paper in your emergency kit, and no one ever has toilet paper drives (*editor’s note – ToiletPaperWorld recently donated to a toilet paper drive, featured on Daytime TV), or gives you $2 off admission to an event with donation of two toilet paper rolls. CANNED GOODS WIN!