Jun 2, 2011
I’m talking about Toilet Paper here folks. I’m talking about the dreaded fear of ALL moms everywhere.
The fear of RUNNING OUT OF TOILET PAPER. (Queue the horror movie scream.)
While we all have the same fear, we are NOT all built with the same TP psyche. We go about our toilet paper lives in many different means and modes. I’ve been doing extensive mom TP research (Okay, I Facebooked a few friends) and I’ve come up with:
8 Toilet Paper Mom Types
- There’s the TP Hoarder Mom — She stocks up on sales. She uses coupons. And currently she cannot fit the family wagon in the garage, because it’s filled to the rafters with cases of toilet paper. This family will never run out of TP, however I’m not sure it’s possible to live on Quilted Northern alone?
- Have you met the Celebrity TP Mom? — She insists on toilet paper with BLING. It must be embedded with diamond dust and imported. This mom is most often found in overpriced shopping malls or watching the Housewives of Orange County.
- We all know the Forgetful TP Mom — You show up to her guest bathroom and realize there’s no TP in sight. After checking through multiple cupboards and drawers, you’re forced to dig through your purse and use a receipt. This mom has sticky notes stuck to her forehead and STILL forgets to buy more TP!
- There’s the stealthy Double Agent TP Mom — She is stingy and deceptive. She tells the family the TP stocks are low- when in fact there are secret stashes in sealed off compartments and behind false double walls. And beware, the secret stocks are all implanted with micro-trackers. She WILL find you if you sneak one.
- Do you know the Neurotic TP Mom? — She keeps a stash of flushable wipes in her purse. She must use her own TP and rarely uses public potties. She wipes 3 or 4 times (to be sure) and her whole family is on alert for signals that she might have a TP breakdown. They’ve taken to stashing extra rolls in trunks of family vehicles and at pre-appointed stops along the way to work and school.
- The Whatever Works TP Mom — You name it, she’s used it. Burger King Napkins? Newspapers? Leaves? You know… whatever works!
- The Recycle TP Mom — Eww… ‘Nuff Said.
- Last but certainly not least, the TP Mom Sergeant — “Did you use more than 3 squares?!” She counts the rolls daily. Rewards come in the form of extra squares. And lest you think you’re brave enough to cross her on the TP issue, she WILL take your TP rations away for a week!
There you have it.
Which type are you?
I am somewhere between the TP Hoarder and the Double Agent TP Mom – even in financial lows, I still buy in bulk and I’m a Charmin Junkie, Double Rolls of course!
I better NEVER catch you wasting it!!
In a former life, she was a molecular biologist. In her current life she is the chief researcher of blogging karma, parenting dos (and some don’ts) and for spice she pretends to be a photographer…a mom of all trades. Please find her on Twitter, she’s happy to talk mom TP types with you!